Thursday, January 26, 2012

I want to hear about....your wedding

My cousin S and I were reminiscing about our weddings the other day and what weddings were like when we were both single.

Apparently, the worst thing single ladies face at weddings is the inevitable bouquet toss by the bride.   Suddenly, everyone in the room knows you are single and a v a i l a b l e and expected to hook up with whomever caught the garter.  Unfortunately, I have been at too many weddings where a 20-something gal caught the bride's bouquet and a 5 year old boy caught the garter.  Ever notice that?   Oh and then those two are expected to lead everyone into the next dance. 

I caught the bouquet at my brother's wedding in 1997.  There were only 3 of us vying for the bouquet.  Yah, big crowd.   A 14 year old (me) standing there with two women over 30.  No big bouquet fights there!

Did you have the bouquet toss at your wedding?

I did.  

What about the garter toss?

Hell, NO.  Both Hubs and I vetoed it as it was not in our plan for Hubs to take off my garter to stripper music.  Thankfully, no one forced the issue. 

Cake cutting?

Let's discuss.

I always thought the cake cutting was so hokey, because at most weddings I had attended prior to my wedding (and after), the bride and groom pretended to cut the cake for photos, set down the still-clean cake knife on the table and walked back to the head table.  And on the other side of the spectrum, I've never been a fan of the bride and groom smashing cake in the other person's face upon first taste and acting like rambunctious animals while smashed cake remnants drip down your dress and ruin it.  Nice impression to leave with your guests who are taking your nuptials seriously....

Anyway so I said NO CAKE.....until my Mom put her foot down and insisted I have a cake at my wedding.  My aunt has made and decorated all the cakes for all the family weddings on my Mom's side of the family for years, and only because she is my Godmother that I agreed to it.  But on one condition (actually, three).  The cake had to be mid-size, we would do our cake cutting photos immediately when the reception started, and all the cake had to be eaten that night.  No saving cake layers to freeze for our anniversary (which would never be eaten).  The plan worked well.  Everyone ate all the cake, we actually ran out towards the end and it was a win-win for everyone. 

Oh, it was red too.  Each layer was a different flavour.

Wedding Colours?

Red, White and Black.  I had a red shawl made for me as I wanted 'colour' with my ensemble, and I wore red shoes.

Dress?  Or Not?

I luckily found my dress off-the-rack for a great deal and I loved the vintage look (pre Mad Men!)

Were you able to keep the guest list at a reasonable level?

We had around 150-175 people at our wedding, which was more than what we had initially planned for, but in the end, everyone was happy. 

Flowers - real or fake?

Real.  I loved my bouquet.   

Hometown Wedding or Destination?

Home for Hubs.  I did not get married in my hometown, I wanted to get married in the City where we were living (and still do).

What Day Were You Married?

June 3, 2006.

First Dance Song?  (if there was one?)

How Deep Is Your Love by The Bee Gees.  Very appropriate for us.

Lasting Memories?

Aside from some ridiculous family drama (loooooooooooong story) which occurred right before the reception started, (unbeknownst to us until right before we walked into the reception!!) the day went off pretty well.   We had a blast at the dance with our friends, many of whom are still our close friends today.  And it was great to see many long distance relatives and friends I had not seen in a long time.

So let's dish -- I want to hear about your wedding (if married) and your musts and do nots!  If not married, chime in anyway.  We all have an opinion about weddings.....   :)


  1. Look at that cake! I had a gingerbread house because it was Christmas time and overheard someone say " could she not afford a proper cake?"

    No first dance - no dancing ever, I'm too uptight and introverted.
    No garter - see above!
    Flowers - I've never heard of anyone having fake flowers before - jacaranda roses and orchids.
    Dress: first one I tried on, I knew what I wanted and hate fussing over clothes.
    Bouquet toss: No, I put it on my dad's grave the next morning.

    It was an absolutely rubbish day and hub's and I fought about it every year for about 6 years - it was ruined by his family.

  2. Gee LR my wedding day was 29 years ago! Let's see..
    Very old world ivory wedding dress involving lace, long veil
    Real flowers and from memory I didn't throw my bouquet
    I didn't promise to obey in my vows
    Absolutely positively no garter..ekk
    Traditional cake but icing decoration was toned down. I've always pondered the tradition of this smashing cake in mouths fiasco because it's not the norm at Australian weddings
    60 guests at a reception venue after a church ceremony
    One of my young co-workers over imbibed and spent much of the night throwing up outside.
    I do remember having an absolute ball and didn't want to leave at midnight!

  3. Hmmm. #1, 3 Dec 1977. Long white velvet dress with lace butterflies and tiny covered buttons down the back and up the deep cuffs. Made by my mom. White brides cake, chocolate grooms cake, no alcohol, Unitarian church, maybe 75 people there? Threw bouquet and garter. #2, 14 Feb 1988. Rose pink jacquard silk, with pelmet and hat, also made by mom. Presbyterian church, no garter, but all else the same (my limited imagination, probably), maybe about 50-60 guests.

    #3, 27 Sep 2010 (my parent's wedding anniversary), Registry office, no cake, no garter, six guests: Bill's sister, 3 children and two spouses. Champagne and snacks at the house followed in the evening with big meal out at posh restaurant, the next day we did our best to pretend nothing happened. Blue-grey dress with matching jacket bought at department store.

    My view on weddings is if one has to act stupid to have fun, perhaps one is not yet mature enough to marry? Also that spending thousands on a credit card is insane. A big wedding does not a better marriage make, but I guess I must be in the minority in holding this view given the enormous amount people seem to pay for weddings these days.

    Love your idea of red accessories and a multi-flavoured cake.

  4. We've been married for 3 years. Originally we had planned to be married at the Four Seasons in Bali in February of the following year and the honeymoon would follow immediately thereafter. Everything was booked and plans were moving along nicely.

    It was summer and still several months before the wedding when my husband was diagnosed with cancer for the second time (he was still in his 20's). He needed to undergo surgery and treatment a second time, as quickly as possible. He wanted to get married before that happened so we quickly planned an intimate ceremony at the country house with our immediate families only. It was amazing what could be arranged within a week, I already had my dress and he owns a tuxedo so that was covered. My sister flew in right away and helped me set everything up. At this point my husband was already feeling quite ill and was gaunt but he was smiling the whole day. We actually painted an arbor the morning of our wedding day, which was a Saturday. Monday he was in the hospital so that is where we spent our honeymoon.

    We had pink and white lilies but no cake, the guest list of course, very small. The bouquet and garter toss were not even considered, I didn't have a garter. We had a formal dinner at our favorite restaurant with all the guests and a wonderful dessert but no dancing. The music played after our vows was John Hiatt's "Have a Little Faith in Me", which is meaningful for us.

    My husband recently asked me if I was disappointed that I did not have the more elaborate wedding that we originally planned and I told him that I had never given it a second thought. For me, it's the marriage that's important, the wedding itself was just a formality.

  5. Tabs - I know how you feel, I really do. Guess who started the drama at my wedding before the reception? (Hint: it wasn't my family!) Thankfully all is good now and I remember the good things about our day. Unfortunately some people show their true colours at weddings. I think your gingerbread house was a great idea! And I love how you put your bouquet on your Dad's grave the next day, very touching moment.

    Annie - I love the look of long veils, yours must have been magnificent! Sounded like a fabulous day!

    Shelley - Thanks! Wedding costs can easily get out of control. My friend recently went to a Wedding Expo and she was flabbergasted at how many booths were there and how many things she 'thought' she needed to have for her wedding. Nope. Some things are just rubbish. And I completely agree, when people act like idiots at weddings (and I mean the people getting married and those in the wedding party), it's hard to take the event seriously when you are the only one who is!

    Xoxo - What a touching story -- you are right - it's the marriage that is important, the wedding is a day event. I hope your Hubs is doing well and how fabulous was it that everyone rallied for you to have your wedding sooner! As with both you and Shelley, I love how everyone came together and enjoyed a nice supper at a restaurant where real conversations and celebrating can take place!

  6. Fun post and your day sounded lovely!

    First of all, it has been 17.5 years for me and if I hadn't just recently watched the newly transferred from video to DVD evidence of the event, I would basically have no memory.

    1. No bouquet toss
    2. No garter toss (I really don't "get" either of these traditions.
    3. Had a beautiful cake that was so big it was starting to cave in on itself by the time we got to it. And our photographer made a huge, complicated deal about how to cut the cake, which hand to hold what, how to position the piece, yadda, yadda (you can see me on the video about to lose it laughing at this doofus) before he took the picture. We never got a copy of that shot in our photos.
    4. Colors: dark hunter green and a mauvey rose. It was 1994 for heaven's sake.
    5. I found a beautiful, high end dress at a consignment store that fit me like a glove. The color was a cross between ivory and a light champagne. I didn't mind buying used because it was a better quality dress than I would've found in my price range otherwise. I still have it. Maybe my Belle Fille will want to use it...
    6. Guests--400. I know. Ridiculous.
    7. Real flowers. My bouquet had 3 dozen pale pink and yellow roses. Very heavy. Could hardly carry it without wrist strain.
    8. Married in the city where my husband lived and where we settled for a number of years.
    9. July 16, 1994. Exactly one year after our first date.
    10. My husband picked it: "Not Too Much to Ask" Mary Chapin Carpenter with Joe Diffie. It made sense to us.
    11. Can there be a wedding without drama? I had to console a weeping (toxic)BFF between dinner and dancing and explain (again) why she was not in my wedding (besides the fact she wasn't talking to when I was planning, I also wanted a small wedding party. We had two attendants each and two flower girls--I wanted only one each but it was a compromise).

    Sorry for long answer. Now that I have spent all this time writing, I probably will not be allowed to comment...again. (tried on your last post and it disappeared).

    Did I mention that I really wanted to elope? Yes, really.

    1. I love your comments and here's my long comment back! lol Oh yes, hunter green and mauvey rose. I attended many family weddings in the 1990s with those wedding colours. (Most of my first cousins got married around the same time and they were around the same age). Magenta was a big colour too (more early 1990s). My brother and sister-in-law had burgundy and dusty rose in 1997, so my bridesmaid dress was burgundy. Actually, my dress was the SAME DRESS Trisha was wearing to the Dance in Napoleon Dynamite (the ivory dress). The first time we watched the movie, I was like hey....there's my bridesmaid dress! The costume director probably got it from Goodwill.

      Anyway, my bouquet was quite heavy too but I loved it. Your dress was quite a find! Speaking of toxic friends, I can totally relate....I had to fire a (now ex) friend from the wedding party before my wedding. Oh yes I did. She made everything all about her and frankly turned into a *****. Wouldn't even apologize when I tried talking to her about the issues, she was more concerned about what dress she wanted to buy and was more concerned about shopping for condos on the day of my wedding shower than helping my other bridesmaids and supporting me. OH and she refused to help out with stagette costs (my sister paid for everything) yet had the most expensive supper out of everyone. So, bye-bye! Don't need that crap from a so-called friend. One of the best decisions I made. My cousin did the same thing, fired a toxic bridesmaid from her wedding party because of endless issues and she came dangerously close to firing her maid of honour too (who was absolutely useless). But my cousin didn't want to be known in the family as the bride who fired two people from her wedding party before the wedding! OY...........

  7. Mr SK and I scampered off and got married under palm trees, bathed in Floridian sunshine. Quite a plain dress and pretty flowers. We shared our cake & champagne with the hotel gardener. I don't think we stopped laughing, as the guy who married us looked like Leslie Nielsen, and we were so happy. One of the best days of my life. We wouldn't change a thing.

    1. LOL I love it! I'm sure the gardener was thrilled to be part of festivities. :)

  8. LR, Love your wedding dress! Cake and flowers too!

    Our wedding was small, almost 16 years ago now, but I loved it. We got married at a small French Restaurant in the countryside. I loved it because the ceremony was creekside on a lovely patio and then we had the whole restaurant for our guests. We were fortunate it was only $20 per person and they had a 3 course French lunch. I just remember everything going by so fast and not barely being able to eat the good food!

    One thing that was a bummer was the cake. I thought it would be pretty with white/tan chocolate seashells on it. The truth was, when it was done, looked like snails to me! Not pretty!

    Also, I picked the dress my mom liked the best. I'd never tell her, but I wish I'd bought the one I liked that was simple and plain... And had a friends' friend do the flowers to save money. They looked cheap! I did get the bouquet I wanted though- all white roses wrapped, which no one did back then. Loved them!

    Guess I should be grateful I'm still married! I love this post! So fun reading about you all!


    1. Thanks! Snail cake aside, your day sounded wonderful! :) I bravely went dress shopping with my Mom and my sister (two of the most opinionated people ever) and thankfully all 3 of us agreed my wedding dress was the one.

  9. Such a fun post. Love that the layers of the cake were different colors! Very cool and unique. xo

    1. Thanks! I remember we had one raspberry cake layer (which was the cake piece I had), a lemon layer and a chocolate layer. It went over really well.

  10. First off I have to say - how beautiful your dress is! Would like to see a few more images of that. Sounds like a rather fun wedding - with a red cake, it has to be the start of a fun marriage, I reckon!

    My wedding was, um 22 years ago, eeks. We had an afternoon tea, which was really more of a cocktail party, because everybody was drinking Champagne with their cakes - don't remember much tea happening. The guests all remember it as a very lovely wedding, because I had arranged to serve them Champagne before + during the ceremony (which was in a gorgeous garden). Anyway, my brother, who was driving me there, decided to have a game of squash just before the wedding was due to start. Needless to say, he was late, so I was late, so the guests were, shall we say "a little merry" by then? Lots of fun! Virginia x

    1. Thank you Virginia! I will post more photos of the dress soon. Your wedding sounded splendid!